Esalen Workshop: Urban Yogi Contemporary Yoga Teacher Training
The Esalen Institute, located in Big Sur, California, is a place that has to be experienced to be understood. Defying description as an educational institution in the traditional sense, Esalen was founded in 1962 to explore alternative schools of thought, and has hosted teachers such as Alexander Lowen, Abraham Maslow, Fritz Perls, Joseph Campbell, and Stanislav Grof, among many others, to lead an impressive array of workshops over the years. Situated along the coastline on 120 acres of land, Esalen is set beautifully against the Santa Lucia Mountains, with acres of gardens and hot mineral springs overlooking the seaside cliff-- truly a feast to the senses and soul.
As I drove along the ocean to discover this magical place for the first time, I wondered about the kind of people I would meet, what I would learn in the weeklong intensive I would be attending, and what kind of environment I would be in. As revolutionary as Esalen is as an alternative education institution, I can say about the workshop that I was to begin that evening: Urban Yogi Contemporary Yoga Teacher Training, led by Hala Khouri and Julian Walker. What attracted me to this workshop, other than the superior yoga teaching skills of Hala and Julian, was the integration of somatic psychology, spirituality, anatomy, and energetics, along with group process; all areas that I have a deep interest in. Having first met Hala while attending the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute in their Somatic Psychology Master's program, I had been intrigued by her knowledge of Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing. Now a certified Somatic Experiencing practitioner, I was interested in learning how Hala was going to bring the practical knowledge of healing trauma to the mat. As a Yoga teacher and certified Yoga therapist myself, I wanted to be able to apply some of this knowledge to my Master's thesis, which focuses on the resolution of sexual abuse trauma from an integral perspective, an endeavor that I would begin working on less than a week later. This workshop was the perfect way to start this journey.
The workshop began with an opening circle on Sunday evening. In a ritualistic manner, we each entered the dance dome, one by one, and with intention, took a seat on one of the pillows situated in a circle around the room. Once all thirty-three of us were seated, we were introduced to Hala and Julian, and given an introduction to the workshop along with an overview of what we were going to cover during the week. It was really happening! I was so excited.
Next, we went around the circle and each said our names to the group. After each person said their name, the group said it back to us three times. This was quite a powerful exercise. We then went around the circle again; this time, each person introduced themselves, and answered three questions: What we do, what appeals to us about the workshop in particular, and where we are at in our process. This was a great icebreaker and way to get to know a large group of people in a short period of time. Even though the group was predominantly female, there was a great variety of experience and professional backgrounds to the group. Although everyone practiced Yoga, not all were teachers. Some were bodyworkers, dancers, psychologists, in the music, IT and even engineering industries. It made for a great mix of people indeed.
We ended this session with some blissful freeform dancing, and agreed to stay in reflective silence until the next morning's class. As we walked back to our cabins, thousands of stars twinkled in the night sky so clearly, something I had missed in Los Angeles. Upon returning to my cabin, I finally had the opportunity to meet my two roommates, which was a little strange to do in keeping silence. I know I was interested in talking a little bit at that point, get to know each one another, but we just smiled and said goodnight. I found the exercise of not speaking actually quite difficult; not the practice of silence itself, but the effects of this practice on my body. Not talking after raising so much energy by telling our stories in the circle, and dancing, left me in a heightened energetic state. Everything was intensified by the silence as well; the sounds outside the cabin, and within, the hardness of my bed, the intense amount of prana surrounding me, plus the newness of the environment, and two new roommates, added up to a lot of activation. The night seemed so alive, and I had a hard time sleeping as a result. Following a Yoga Nidra style of progressive muscle relaxation helped somewhat, and after a while I was able to get to sleep. Others I spoke with later the next day reflected back to me their similar experiences with not being able to sleep as well.
The next day, Monday, we began the morning class by focusing on orienting ourselves to the room. Julian taught the beginning portion of this class, leading us through a delicious asana practice, which focused on deep hip stretches, followed by Hala who led us through a solid vinyasa yoga practice. After a good three hour practice, we broke for lunch, sweaty and happy, and had the opportunity to get to know other members of our group.
In the afternoon, we met in dyads to discuss our process, and what we were currently going through. We made an agreement as a group to allow others that need to talk to others about their process to be able to ask for help from others, which helped to increase the cohesiveness of the group. We also talked about the need to keep the contents of the group's sharing in confidence, so that members would feel safe to express what they needed to. We were then led in a workshop on "What is Trauma" by Hala, which focused on the triune brain and the physiology of trauma and trauma resolution. This was based on Peter Levine's work and the two books, Healing Trauma (Levine, 2005), and Waking the Tiger (Levine & Frederick, 1997), both of which I read before the workshop.
According to Levine, trauma is "the often debilitating symptoms that many people suffer from in the aftermath of perceived life-threatening or overwhelming experiences" (2005, p.7). These experiences may include war, childhood emotional, physical or sexual abuse, childhood neglect, betrayal or abandonment, experiencing or witnessing violence, rape, catastrophic injuries and illnesses. They may also include automobile accidents, invasive medical and dental procedures, falls and other "minor" injuries, natural disasters, being left alone, prolonged immobilization, exposure to extreme heat or cold, sudden loud noises, and birth stress. When these events happen to children, the event is more likely to be perceived as traumatic, because a baby or child does not yet have the cognitive development and coping skills to deal with these events.
Levine (2005, p. 18) puts the symptoms of trauma in order of appearance:
- Hyperarrousal (increased heart rate, sweating, difficulty breathing, cold sweats, tingling, and muscular tension)
- Constriction (breathing, muscle tone, and posture prepare for action, numbness, narrowing of perceptions)
- Dissociation and denial (endorphins are released, disconnection between body and painful emotions)
- Feelings of helplessness, immobility, and freezing (slows down the nervous system)
If left untreated, these symptoms can then transform, and include hypervigilance, intrusive imagery or flashbacks, hyperactivity, exaggerated startle responses, abrupt mood swings, shame, lack of self-worth, difficulty sleeping, panic attacks, addictive behaviors, amnesia, fear of death, and others, over time. Symptoms that take longer to develop, according to Levine (2005, pp. 19-20) are excessive shyness, diminished emotional responses, inability to make commitments, chronic fatigue, psychosomatic illnesses (i.e. headaches, migraines, neck and back problems), fibromyalgia, asthma, depression, severe premenstrual syndrome, and feelings of detachment and alienation. Another important symptom to mention is the compulsion to repeat the actions that originally caused the traumatic event, in an attempt to resolve the trauma and symptoms attached to the event.
Levine says,
In short, trauma is about loss of connection-to ourselves, to our bodies, to our families, to others, and to the world around us. This loss of connection is often hard to recognize, because it doesn't happen all at once. It can happen slowly, over time, and we adapt to these subtle changes sometimes without even noticing them. These are the hidden effects of trauma, the ones that most of us keep to ourselves. We may simply sense that we do not feel quite right, without ever becoming fully aware of what is taking place; that is, the gradual undermining of our self-esteem, self-confidence, feelings of well-being and connection to life. (2005, p.9).
As we can see, these symptoms can cause disturbances at the physiological, emotional, mental or behavioral levels, and seriously challenge one's ability to cope. While none of these symptoms are truly effective in resolving trauma, we can look to nature to see how animals deal with traumatic events.
In the wild, many animals are threatened by their predators on an ongoing basis, yet animals rarely suffer from traumatic symptoms. The response of the most primitive part of the brain, known as the reptilian brain (the brain stem and cerebellum) to a threat to survival, is to mobilize the energy to fight or flee, depending on which is the most advantageous to the animal's survival. The brain chemistry triggers hormonal changes, including the release of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. However, should neither of these choices be possible, for example, if the animal is caught, the brain then directs the nervous system to freeze, and play dead. The difference between humans and animals is that animals will then discharge their excess activation by shaking themselves vigorously after freezing, once the threat is gone, and then take some very deep breaths. When we slow down this motion, we see that the animal's shaking is actually a high-speed "running" motion, which is the completion of the escape, the animal's natural response cycle to the threat.
Humans, however, still have this response within our reptilian brain; yet we often do not use an effective means of discharging our energy, instead often overriding our innate self-regulating mechanisms by bracing ourselves against the power of the sensations. If the message to normalize is not given, then the production of adrenaline and stress hormones continues. As a result, we keep this high level of energy trapped within our bodies, which can lead to many of the emotional, mental, physical and behaviors symptoms of trauma.
Levine believes "that the ability to return to equilibrium and balance, after using the "immobility response" is the primary factor in avoiding being traumatized" (2005, p.30). With the theory that trauma is primarily physiological, he believes that "trauma is something that happens initially to our bodies and our instincts. Only then do its effects spread to our minds, emotions, and spirits" (2005, p.31).
In the "triune brain" model, as developed by Dr. Paul McLean, the brain is composed of three distinct parts: the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the neocortex. The reptilian brain is instinctive, reflexive, and controls behaviors such as fighting, fleeing, freezing, sex, sleep, digestion, breathing, and the heartbeat. These behaviors are automatic, have a ritualistic quality, and are highly resistant to change. This part of the brain is active, even in deep sleep. The limbic brain is the emotional brain, which governs attachment to others, instincts, attention, and affective memories. The limbic system is also involved in primal activities related to food and sex, in particular, with our sense of smell and bonding needs, and activities related to expression and mediation of emotions and feelings. The neocortex deals with language, communication, higher cognitive functions, and voluntary movement. These higher cognitive functions are what distinguish humans from the animals.
According to Levine's theory, when the body experiences trauma, the connection between the neocortex and the limbic system is severed, and the traumatic experience is frozen in the reptilian brain. Common ways that people regulate themselves when they have experienced trauma are to dissociate, or dull their senses by going for a drink with friends instead. Because the urban technological environment that many of us live in today is so stimuli-intensive, with constant noise, traffic, media, email and cell phones, we are constantly bombarded with information; this can be overwhelming and traumatizing in itself, and make processing our trauma even more difficult. So how do we regulate ourselves in an optimal way?
Hala then taught us about the concept of titrating, or discharging activation slowly over time. The reason that we want to titrate, rather than discharging our activation all at once, is that it could be too overwhelming for us, especially if we have carried around symptoms of trauma for a long time. The first step to this process is to orient ourselves to our environment, get grounded, and centered in our body, in a safe "container" or environment. This will help us to become present, and then we can see how we are feeling, sensation-wise, in the body. By working with these resources (orienting, grounding, centering, and titration) we develop a sense of safety in the body. We can then move on to slowly discharging the activation from the trauma, and integrating the experience in our lives. Healing trauma is about being able to feel, and validating the feelings as they come up. When we are resourced, we are using the tools that make our feelings navigable. Focusing on the body's sensations will prevent us from retraumatizing ourselves by focusing solely on our emotions, and will allow us to and release our activation; we can deal with neocortex and its more complex thoughts, if necessary, later. We may not be able to, or need to however, as we may release the trigger response without this kind of processing. Sometimes we many not even know what we are resolving, but it is still being released.
Another Somatic Experiencing technique that Hala introduced was that of "pendulation", or pairing up what is constricted (the traumatic material) with that which is resourced. This process assists the natural self-regulation system in discharging the activation. By coupling the two states, the discomfort is made more manageable, so overwhelm doesn't occur. We resource by focusing on what feels good when we are going through discomfort, and provide time to reorient to the present, the here and now, and our resources. In SE, slow is considered fast, as the body takes time to properly integrate the experiences. SE takes the client back to the experience, and rewrites it, allowing for the deactivation to take place. Through this process of uncoupling fear and immobility, a new neural feedback loop is built. The old pattern is interrupted and the new pattern (or resource) is introduced instead.
Breathing is another good way to resource ourselves, because breathing is associated with the reptilian brain, which moves the focus from the neocortex, where many people get stuck. We can experience this by tracking our expansion and contraction of breath. Breathwork also uncouples fear from immobility. Breath is paired up instead with constriction and helps us to stay oriented, and resourced. Other creative ways of resourcing can involve the use of music, sound, visualization, words, and dance into the experience as well.
Another tool we worked with was the technique of mirroring. When we can't talk about someone's process directly, mirroring can help. By naming the process someone is going through, and helping them to feel heard, we are validating and reflecting another person to themselves. For example, we could say to our class, "There are a lot of shoulders up this morning". Naming can create safety in the group, and be very healing, especially when it is done without judgment. Mirroring can also create a connection between a feeling and the body state that the person may not realize; this connection can then help them to identify what they are feeling. This is important for people with trauma, as they may have difficulty expressing what they are feeling, even to themselves. Here Hala added that it is important to use the three modalities of auditory, kinesthetic, and visual cues when communicating with your clients in class as a whole, and one-on-one. Showing, touching, and speaking, as appropriate, are important ways to reach out to our students in class, and effective ways of communicating in general. Hala then brought up a very good point; many Yoga teachers don't necessarily have these tools to use in class. In our practice, many things can come up for us as we release tension from the body. We all have trauma, to some extent. How we act as role models for our clients will show them that we can resource and deal with these issues, and maintain a safe container for them, while resonating a sense of peace and calm. Working with our own trauma and issues helps us to be available and hold space properly for others to work with theirs.
We then did an experiential exercise, in partners, where one partner would constrict their muscles as much as they could, and try not to be picked up by the other partner. The other partner was to pick up the person from behind, under the arms. This was very difficult; however, when the first partner stayed relaxed and grounded, it was even more difficult for them to be lifted. The key to this exercise was that we can stay relaxed and be stronger than when we are fighting against something, by keeping ourselves resourced, centered and grounded.
The second day, Hala taught the morning yoga session. We began with a meditation, and then focused on activating our resources; orienting ourselves to the room, grounding our energy, centering ourselves. This led to a discussion on how we stay resourced while we are feeling sensations. This is important to be aware of, as when we or others are processing trauma, knowing that in this process, many sensations arise and let go, we can make sure that we stay resourced, to help the process along. Staying resourced while teaching our students in class is important too, for when we have not worked out our personal issues with past relationships, these issues can come up in class, often in the form of transference and countertransference. Transference occurs when a feeling from your past interactions with another person is transferred onto a present relationship; in this case, onto your yoga teacher. Countertransference is essentially the same as transference, but in the opposite direction, from the teacher to the student. It is the therapist or teacher's feeling from their past relationships that are projected onto the client. Being aware of our past wounds in relationships, and working on these wounds to become healed, allows us to be more aware of when transference and countertransference are occurring, and allows us to be able to deal with our students and clients so that we can help others heal in the same way. Having empathy is very important in this process, along with holding a safe container for our students.
At this point, we focused this awareness of the teacher-student relationship by exploring several different student archetypes in the asana practice. The practice was to allow us to understand what these different states can mean for our students, and help us to build empathy for what our students may be experiencing in a class. We were invited to try three different archetypal patterns that are often seen in students and therapy clients, and to track our body, emotions, and process to find our triggers in each one.
The three archetypal patterns we explored, in any particular order, were:
a) Resistant: doesn't trust authority, used to being let down.
b) Needy/idealizing: Desperately seeking truth, or guru. Idealizes teacher or is "in love" with teacher, or wants teachers approval.
c) Distracted/disembodied; One who is used to gyms, with loud music and distraction, type A personality OR spacey, dreamy, barely there/barely hears teacher, is in their own world.
I found this to be an incredibly triggering experience. Visiting some of the old patterns that I had used in the past brought up old emotions that I had not experienced for quite some time. The Distracted/disembodied archetype did not trigger much in me, but I did identify with the Resistant archetype, feeling a deep anger in my practice when I tried out this state of being, that reminded me of how I used to feel before I started doing my personal work many years ago. The last archetype I tried was Needy/idealizing. This archetype reminded me very much of how I used to feel as a child, when I felt I needed to perform to receive love, or approval, especially from my parents and teachers. At the end of the class, during Savasana, I experienced a large release of emotion, and deep tears were released. I went outside to collect myself for a few minutes, and put my feet in the grass, which was soothing and helped me to reconnect both to nature, and myself. I felt much better after, and realized, that this archetype does still trigger me, and I still have work to do in this area. This was a very powerful and revealing exercise for me.
That afternoon, Julian delivered his presentation on Contemporary Shamanism and introduction to Mind-Body Psychology using the Jungian concept of the Ego-Self axis. This was a great addition to what we had learned in the last two sessions with Hala. Being a graduate student in Psychology, with a personal interest in shamanism, none of this information was brand new to me, but I was very happy to see it included in the workshop.
Julian started by defining the shaman traditionally as the doctor, psychologist, and spiritual facilitator of the community, the gatekeeper between the inner and outer worlds. The role played by the shaman was the beginning of psychotherapy. Today, we are losing the shamanic component to religion in our society. Yet there is still something to shamanism that is universal to the human condition, and that is the story of our inner journey that each of us must make. Today, contemporary shamanism can help us to reconnect to our inner journey, to acknowledge what that means for us, and create a sacred space for both the mind and body to heal, be it through music, dance, the breath, or another modality. This is an important journey to take before we are able to heal others. As outlined in Joseph Campbell's book, "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" (1949, pp. 245-246), the myth of the hero's journey involves a process of heeding the call to adventure, crossing the threshold of adventure to face a challenges and gain the reward, which leads to transformation, and a return to the world with the elixir that will restore all.
Julian then gave us an overview of Joseph Campbell's take on Carl Jung's work. He discussed how the Self is divided into two parts, the conscious part, and the unconscious part. The conscious part contains the ego, and is masculine in nature, whereas the unconscious is feminine, and houses intuitions and triggers. Between the two, there exists a line of psychological defenses that are commonly used to keep traumatic memories in the unconscious and away from threatening the consciousness. Some of these defenses are repression, denial, and projection, among many others. This is the domain of the conscious Self. The unconscious Self talks to the conscious Self through dreams, psychosomatic symptoms and "triggers", which also exist in the Shadow portion of our unconscious. The Shadow collects all of the things we don't like about ourselves and stores them in the unconscious. When we make contact with the Shadow, in doing what is known as "shadow work", this helps us to gain a better understanding of our Self, our fears and traumas, and allows for great transformation of our consciousness in their release and working through. In the process, we create a stronger ego-Self connection, where the two parts of the can speak to each other more freely, which helps us create a more integrated Self or soul.
Julian then introduced Heinz Kohut's Self Psychology and the useful concepts of age appropriate mirroring, idealization needs and optimal disillusionment. In development, Kohut found that these three concepts help us to internalize relationships. The first, age-appropriate mirroring, occurs when we mirror one's process back to them. We all need mirroring, and what we need reflected back to us is different at different ages. There are different levels of mirroring depending on what clients need, i.e. a hand on the shoulder, or telling them what they are experiencing is okay. Mirroring reflects back one's experience into words, and allows for the internalization of a healthy sense of self. Idealization needs are related to how we relate to ourselves. As children, our parents or caretakers are first idealized. This idealization eventually this fades, as we come into a more realistic understanding of them, and this continues throughout life. Finally, optimal disillusionment provides the child an opportunity to see that idealization is not true, but they are not traumatized by it; rather, it encourages their growth. For example, setting a boundary frustrates the child in an optimal way, by containing their behavior, and they learn from it as a result. Each of these concepts, when applied to the teacher-student relationship, is important in healthy development of the Self.
For the final session of this day, we had a two hour group discussion facilitated by Hala with Julian's support, on "Teacher-Student Relationships". This brought us back to the concepts of transference and countertransference, and how to work with projection and boundaries in the teacher-student relationship.
In terms of facilitating transference, when we are in roles where there is a power differential, our students are vulnerable, and we are there to guide them. We need to be there for them as they are transferring onto us, so we can help them through this. For example, people feel really good in their body after Yoga, sometimes better and safer than with sex. Often, this can bring up sexual feelings for the student, but this is not a situation for the teacher to get their personal needs met, or provide a "corrective" emotional experience for the student. These sexual feelings usually have nothing to do with the teacher, as flattering as it may be to think so. This is a good time to hold appropriate boundaries in the relationship, which can provide the support and corrective emotional experience that the student (and group) needs. When wondering what to do, we must always decide what works best for the student or client first, not our needs first.
This is especially the case for male teachers, who need to be even more careful of their boundaries with females than female teachers need to be with males. This is because female students typically look up to men, often projecting the archetype of "Prince Charming" onto their teacher. It is not like this for the female teacher however. Males often look up to the female teacher as the "Mommy" archetype. Knowing this, we have to ask what needs we are meeting as teachers? Asking if student is okay, and needs support, is a simple statement that can trigger needs that weren't met as a child. We also need to be aware of our own unconscious needs that need to be met. Do we need to be needed, to rescue people, or be a caretaker? How can I be working on getting my needs met outside of the class, so I can hold space for others in the class? These questions are important to ask, and will shed light on how we interact with our students. Learning about our personal process is the foundation of effective teaching and healing.
We concluded this session with an experiential subtle boundary exercise that was done with partners. This exercise helped to create an awareness of our subtle energetic boundaries, not simply the physical ones when we are in the presence of another. We need this awareness as teachers to create containment, rather than by stopping and drawing a boundary when things are already out of control. If that happens, we need to ask ourselves, are we letting the boundaries go just to have people like us?
On Wednesday, we started off our three hour morning session with an asana practice led by Julian, which was wonderful. At the end of this session, while in Savasana, we were led through the practice of Breathwork, pioneered by Stanislav Grof, a psychiatrist and one of the founders of transpersonal psychology. The breathwork consisted of a long inhale, with a forceful exhale. After a few minutes, tears started forming in my eyes, and I didn't know why. It felt very innocent at first, like the gentle release of feelings, and then became unstoppable. I didn't know why consciously. I titrated by starting and stopping my breathwork. I probably should have just stopped altogether, but I kept at it out of curiosity. After the class broke I went to my cabin, and had a long shower, and a deep cry. I realized that I must be processing some of the unconscious trauma that happened to me when I was drugged and raped by someone I trusted, several years ago. Since I was drugged, and unconscious, the memory still lived trapped in my body. I don't know if it is entirely resolved now, but I hope I have processed more of this at least, and I feel freer as a result. Hala told me not to do any more processing work after this, and that now I needed to focus on integration. She gave me some good techniques to use to regulate, such as walking barefoot on grass, putting your back or front against a tree, sleep, and having someone you love and trust put a hand on you. I was grateful for these suggestions, and shared them with a couple of other yoginis in the workshop who were processing as well.
That afternoon, Julian gave us an overview of the anatomical "high-charge" correlations to the chakra system. I found this very interesting, as these high-charge points in the body are related to releasing unconscious developmental processes and emotions related to the level of the chakra they are aligned with. Having used the chakra system for personal healing, I thought this was a wonderful expansion to what I already had in my toolbox of asana practice, pranayama, and meditation.
Julian then gave us a fantastic demonstration of the work he does as a bodyworker, using his assistant Tessa as a volunteer. In manipulating several parts of her body while laying on a massage table, Tessa went into spontaneous undulations of her spine, which looked positively ecstatic. According to Julian, these undulations are not necessarily sexual, but can be orgasmic. Described as energetic unwinding of layers of tension, this letting go can cause structural shifts in the body. This can provide relief from pain syndromes in the body, which often have a psychological basis. By opening ourselves to this and releasing the shame of sexuality, we can process our trauma on a primal level, and allow ecstatic states come forth. Julian explained,
Like most initiations it asks us to step into new territory and look at ourselves through a new lens. Often the set of ideas, beliefs and identifications that we have adopted as "spiritual" have to be re-examined as we grow, heal and awaken to ever more grounded and whole expressions of ourselves. (Walker, email communication, July 2, 2007)
This session concluded with Julian talking about energy in the system; too much energy in a fragile system will fragment it, but just enough energy above where we are at will create an optimal amount of chaos (or frustration, like with Kohut) which will enable us to reorganize at a higher level of complexity. This increased complexity can bring greater stability. He warned us to watch for the level of activation; if it is too intense then we need to scale back and titrate. In a classroom, we can offer instruction on how to titrate in class. We can also offer support for those who may be overwhelmed. He also mentioned that psychotic states /conditions (such as schizophrenia, bipolar, borderline, hysteria) don't respond well to the kind of bodywork that he practices, because the ego is not strong enough, and it can be destabilizing for them. There is research, particularly from what I have seen in my studies with sexually abused trauma survivors (who have been often classified in the medical system as having hysteria), that these people do seem to do very well with somatic therapies, Somatic Experiencing, and yoga.
The next day, both Hala and Julian led our asana practice, which included mirroring exercises, and group ecstatic dance exercises. This was freeing and wonderful, and we had the whole afternoon off to explore Esalen afterwards, during which I took the opportunity to read The Stormy Search for the Self (Grof & Grof, 1990) in the sun, take pictures, as well as a two hour long nap before the evening class. It was really relaxing, and a good chance to soak in the Esalen spirit.
That evening, we had a closing circle, and shared our final thoughts. This was quite an emotional session, with several people in tears by the end. My final thoughts were those of gratitude for allowing me to process, being supported in this process. I had known going into this weeklong workshop that the group process can trigger things in us and act as a powerful mirror unto ourselves, reflecting that which we need to work on. I was grateful for the freedom to learn more about what I am passionate about, for such an amazing group of people to learn with, and for two wonderful teachers. I know that this week has taught me a lot about how to make my practice both on and off the mat a more conscious and embodied one.
Friday morning, we had our final yoga practice, and a dance ritual with partners. We then broke into freeform dance in groups, with each group dancing in the middle of whole class circle. It was ecstatic, liberating, and free, and brings tears to my eyes thinking of how beautiful it was. We also did some journaling work, in which we answered, "What am I moving towards, creating? What are my dreams, aspirations?" This was a wonderful way to close a powerful week, fully aware of the goals that I have towards helping myself and others heal, and how this workshop has helped me to move closer to understanding myself and others in the process. During the long drive home, I happily stated my dreams and my gratitude for such an amazing workshop week. I have taken away with me the mindfulness to keep orienting, grounding, resourcing and integrating each step of the way on this blessed journey, and I look forward to sharing these tools with others that I teach as well.
References
Caine, R. N. & Caine, G. (1990). Making connections: Teaching and the human brain. Nashville, TN: Incentive Publications.
Campbell, J. (1949). The hero with a thousand faces. Princeton: Princeton University Press.
Frederick, A. & Levine, P. (1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books.
Grof, C. & Grof, S. (1990). The stormy search for the self. New York: Penguin.
Levine, P. (2005). Healing trauma. Boulder: Sounds True, Inc.
Taylor, K. (1994). The Breathwork Experience: Exploration and Healing in Nonordinary States of Consciousness. Santa Cruz: Hanford Mead Publishers.
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Esalen
July 2008 
Andrea
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